blech

yeah so i talked to the nutritionist lady again... I mean i listened to what she had to say but it didn't really help me. I thought she would give me some meal plans and shit but she just kept talking and talking! Maybe i'm wrong for assuming that she should tell me what to do, i mean i got myself to be this weight and i guess its up to me to do the work to lose it right?oh yeah today was the BSU pool party, it wasn't that bad... even though i wasn't quite ready to be in a bathing suit (wow i just stuffed a peice of paper in my mouth)hahah wow i'm psyco!i was watching girl, interrupted today. I really do love that movie, maybe its just because i luv angelina jolie. Nah, I actually do genuinly love that movie. Its like the girls from 13, just grown up. For some reason those types of movies just... I dunno I like them better than fairy tales ya dig?I'm gonna get a membership to a gym soon, so i guess like if i start eating right and going to the gym regularly i will start my sophomore year off right and maybe i'll be happier this year.yeah right, but it doesn't hurt to wish...actually wishing can be very painful, especially when you know that wish won't come true.I don't know, but it just seems like i need to cry, then again it could be all the chlorine in my eyes, or maybe i just need to let it go...what do you think?

Umm

Well I mean now that school is finally over and I realize that summers here. Normally this would bring up smiles but then I realize, I'm not doing anything. LIke i hear about like all of these plans of my friends going away and like having fun, while i'm just gonna be stuck in MD. I dunno, its not liek have any $$ to travel anyway.LG's moving soon!So hopefully by the end of the summer i would've lost a buncha weight. Well maybe not "a buncha" but a nice amount... I'm gonna join a gym and i've been seeing a nutritionist. I dunno, i don't wanna get caught up in all of this "you gotta be skinny to be pretty" and shit, but its like i'm just so tired of being self-conscious and so unhappy. I figure maybe one improvement will help me, plus it doesn't hurt. I need to get healthier anyway.... I dunno

CICADAS!

omg i can't wait till those ugly, clear-winged, black-bodied, red-eyed demons leave. I swear they are sooo nasty and they're like freaking me out. OMG today i was on the lightrail and 1 flew in my hair (i didn't kno wat it was at first,) so i grabbed it and then threw it down. Then the lady i was sitting next 2 stood up and it was under her butt and it was like still alive...The best part is that they come out around exams. Like i'm not already stressed out enough..So today was the science exam.I dind't think it was that hard, it was just OK. but it was LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG. Like a hundred and something multiple choice, thats ridiculous!Yeah so i feel all alone and shit cuz instead of going to the harber like i kinda planned, i'm home alone sitting here in boxers and a wifebeater eating chicken... lol its cool though. I don't really care, now that i think about it, i wouldn't have wanted to be out w/ those cicadas anyway.

1 down 1 to go

Yeah so I just finished my math exam. I think it went pretty well (except i kno i fucked up on on that 1 like fair maiden question) oh well!So i've been having like all these dreams about Cicadas and liek i wake up convinced that they;'re all over me and in my room and stuff... Does anynoen know what htat means?Yeah I'm really tired, i might go take a nap...

Just thinking things over...

Yeah i just want everyone know i regret what I said and like I realize how selfish I am and I realize that that's such a horrible thing to say. And i'm really grateful for what people did and I'm just over exxagerating. I have no right to be complaining about things and once again I'm so so so so sorry...Forgive me please, I can't afford to lose friends...

Sorry

Ok to those of you who read my last entry and made me realize how much of a selfish ass I am, I'm sorry. I didn't think it was that big of a deal and I guess it just made me realize what type of person I am. I'm sorry...

I just had a revalation

So I just realized, I guess I'm not very well liked. I mean maybe its just jealousy (which I'm pretty sure it is because I get jealous of everyone) but like it seems like no one cared about my birthday. I mean i understand that people said Happy Birthday, but who knows if they meant it, it obviously didn't change anything. And its like people threw allison a party, people threw Laura a party and like Allison's mom was gonna try to get some ppl to go out for Eileens dinner, but like what did they do for me?I don't know, maybe i'm just being a bitch. I understand that Chiara baked me a cake and everything but she does that for everyone, so it doesn't really make me feel special. I mean the best present I got was from my Aunt Jan. I'm not really looking for a present, i just want to feel special, or wanted.And also, I know there are starving kids in Africa that don't have such and such and like i feel bad for them but i'm miserable too and i feel as though my feelings shouldn't be ignored.But like all the while, people are having amazing birthdays (mine was on May 11th) and I'm smiling for them yet dying on the inside. And yeah I just remembred - Me and Laura went out to dinner for my birtday but like I payed (yeah i volunteered so i guess that doesnt count) and I asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner. I mean nobody (well except my friend "Jenny") went out of their way to let me have a good birthday.But then again, am I worth it?

lets try this again...

So i was at my aunts house from yesterday afternoon to tonight and i tried to write this journal but right when i pressed update my cousins computer decides to crash.soo hmm lemme see if i remember this shit. basically it was talking about my shit weekend and how i feel so bad for a great friend of mine. lets start from the beginning:Friday night I was at CHairas getting ready to go to LG's "surprise" b-day party, and like i could tell from the beginning that i wasn't oging to have any fun (as usual) but like i forced myself to smiel and watnot, then when we got to regans house, it started off bad, reagan lied to me about not having vodka or wutever and like it wouldn't be so bad but like she told me ppl were making out, when people were obviously passing cups behind the wutever... yeah so it started out bad. then to top it all of, i'm surrounded by skinny perfect girls while i'm sittin ghtere in a skirt and a tank top feeling absolutely hideous, and then i saw louis weeks who ruined my life at Chaira's b-day party (i don't feel like talking about that). Ok so i'm kinda just sitting there feeling bad about myself when I realize LG's feeling like shit b/c of a selfish friend (no need going into that now) and that makes me hurt b/c she's probably the 1 person that knows the most about me and like we're such good friends. So like i try to see wats wrong w/ her and me allison, anna, and reg, are just sitting w/ her and it was just a really horrible time.Yeah so then I go home and then the next day i hafta go to the arena whre Justin L. wipes his sweat on my face and wonders why i'm in such a pissy mood...Uhh yeah wutever it doesn't really matter, i mean its so hard to put my actual feelings down into words, and i actually don't want to because i know if someone reads this who i don't want to read this they'll ask me questions and i'm not up for all that shit. Look remember when I said that you'll learn about the *real* me later? well you just got a taste...

I <3 CHARRO

Chaira is:You are Speed!So what if your face looks like a before photo for Proactiv?You've got the juice to stay up and screw all night long.But with skin like yours, the only action you'll get is a frenzied cleaning spree.What Drug Are You?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

heheh

ROZ IS METROSEXUAL:

Your Guy Is A Metrosexual!Come on! Those "Queer Eye" marathons you two love weren't a tip off?And you wonder what happened to your good pair of tweezers.It is nice to be able to use your boyfriend's Clinique products when you stay over.But watch out. He may be looking for an upgrade... possibly one with a penis!Is He a Metrosexual? Take This Quiz :-)Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.BEACHblondie2704: Lisa says: Katie I hope you have fun at your familes dinner tonight :-\ Chiara says: You better come or else I'm going to blackmail you (even though we all know thats impossible) Roz says: ??^yeah this is wat we do instead of getting dressed ;-)

At Chiaras...

Hmmm right now I'm at Chiara's and I'm getting ready to go to LG's party, I guess it'll be cool... Eric won't be there. Hmmph, i don't actually dig the party scene that much, i never go home happy :(I just effing plucked my eyebrows man, oh shit i forgot how much that shit hurt.Well I guess it will be fun. NO i need to convince myself that its gonna be awesome so i don;t get in another one of "those" moods again, they always seem to pop up outta nowhere, but maybe its my fault. If i say somethigns goinna be bad, then its gonna be bad right?Dude i'm gonna be alone, i feel unattractive, and I'm not sleeping over (that outrules the chance of getting drunk)..THIS PARTY IS GONNA BE AWESOME (sarcasm)

Bored Bored Bored

Its quite funny, instead of doing work (like i should be doing) I'm sitting here quizzing Ben on various objects... hahaha Nick isn't gay and ben has some metrosexual tendencies!hehehee

Feelin like takin a quiz

You are Alcohol!A little sloppy, a little hungry, and a whole lot horny.So what if you've had a drunken fling or two with puke still in your hair?You're the life of the party - well, if you can get invited...What Drug Are You?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

5/14

I'm just thinking about what a good time 5/14 was... hehe it was Allisons "surprise" party, long story short, we were up late, me and court got intoxicated and a certain someone was trippin on shrooms... wha a good time! (except for the ending, but as I said before, nothing depressing yet! we'll get to that later...)I don't know if she'll read this but I have a shoutout:Laura Devon Green, I love you, I'm here for you, and when the summer comes, there will be no separating us! Much love!